Blog # 22. Let Silence Be Your Friend
Silence is Not a Bug, It's a Feature
We've all been in that meeting where someone asks a question and nobody answers.
Less than 10 seconds of awkward silence, feels like minutes.
People shift. Eyes dart. Someone reaches for their phone. The Chair looks pained, fighting to think of something to fill the void.
Then someone speaks: "I'm not sure we actually achieved that." Or "I don't think that will work." Or "Hang on, that doesn't add up."
Those accidental moments of uncomfortable silence are often the only time real honesty surfaces in an IBP or S&OP meeting.
How about this then: What if you asked the really fucking awkward question on purpose, and then let silence be your friend?
Apparently, humans can tolerate a maximum of 27 seconds of silence in conversation before someone - anyone - fills it (thanks @caitlin weren for that!). That's not very long. But when there's awkward silence - it's long enough for honesty to surface.
We Squirm, Therefore It Works
Silence makes us squirm. That's exactly why it works.
Most IBP/S&OP meetings are primed for motion. Presentations flow. Slides advance. Questions get answered quickly. The agenda is to be marched through.
Maybe we've designed the discomfort out of our meetings (not just the IBP/S&OP ones)? And maybe in doing so, we've designed the honesty out too?
In my last blog I wrote about IBP theatre - those meetings that run smoothly but change nothing. Yeh right - but how do you fix it?
Here's a suggestion: weaponise silence.
Theatre can't survive silence. Theatre needs constant motion to maintain the illusion that something meaningful is happening. Silence forces everyone to stop performing and start thinking.
Where to Deploy Silence (On Purpose)
Here are the moments where silence does the heavy lifting:
After you state the meeting's purpose: Say it clearly at the start. Then at the end, ask: "Did we achieve what we set out to do?" Then shut up. Count to 27 if you need to.
After someone presents: Don't immediately jump to questions. Pause. Then ask: "So what, now what?" and wait for someone to answer thoughtfully, not reflexively.
When you challenge the meeting itself: "Do we need all these people here? Do we need all this time? Do we need all these Excel graphs?" Ask it, then stop talking and wait, wait, wait. It's only 27 seconds. The discomfort will surface honest answers that polite conversation never will.
When someone gives you a quick answer to a hard question: You ask "what's our Plan B if that supplier fails?" and someone immediately responds. Pause. Look at them. Let the silence reveal whether they've actually thought it through or they're just filling air.
After the last agenda item: Don't let everyone bolt. Take five minutes to reflect: "How'd that go? What could we do better?" Then wait.
The pattern is simple: Ask the awkward question, then let silence be your friend.
Why You Probably Won't Do This
Silence feels dangerous. What if nobody says anything for the full 27 seconds? What if it exposes that nobody actually knows the answer? What if someone says something that derails the carefully planned agenda?
Good. Those are features, not bugs.
But know this - silence requires trust. Trust that you don't need to fill every gap. Trust that your people are capable of genuine reflection if you give them space for it. And trust is hard.
Twenty-seven seconds. That's all it takes.
Try This Once
In your next IBP meeting, try this once.
State the meeting's purpose at the beginning. At the end, ask: "Did we achieve what we set out to do?"
Then shut up and count.
My guess? Someone will fill the silence with something honest.
And if you're brave enough to do that once, you might find other places where silence belongs.
Ask the awkward question. Then let silence be your friend.
The Bottom Line
Silence is not a bug in your IBP process. It's a feature. It's where honesty lives. It's where theatre dies and real decision-making begins.
The question is: Are you brave enough to shut up and let it happen?
Twenty-seven seconds. That's all the time between polite theatre and honest conversation.
When was the last time you experienced genuine silence in an IBP meeting? And what might that tell you?
Want to discuss how to introduce more honesty - and more silence - into your S&OP or IBP process? Find me at www.planninglab.co.nz
#IBP #S&OP #BusinessPlanning #Leadership #DecisionMaking